Kuala lumpur: Men who suppress their emotions and struggle to share their feelings with their partners are often unaware that their behaviour affects their relationships, making it one of the biggest challenges in addressing toxic masculinity.
According to BERNAMA News Agency, National Population and Family Development Board (LPPKN) Family Well-being Division Counselling and Intervention Unit senior assistant director Md Noh Saiman explained that this condition is identified in psychology as the precontemplation stage, where individuals are unaware of the need for change. Md Noh highlighted that many cases handled by LPPKN involve men who are oblivious to the problems their behaviour causes, indicating their position in this psychological stage.
Md Noh elaborated that the precontemplation stage is not a sudden development but is influenced by upbringing and early parenting. Men often adopt behaviours and personality traits from their environment, including the inclination towards physical reactions when angry, without realising these have become ingrained in their identity. This leads them to believe in principles such as "This is who I am, why should I change?" which contributes to perceptions of toxic masculinity by their partners.
Social stigma also plays a role, as boys are traditionally taught not to show weakness or cry, fostering emotional suppression and misunderstanding of their emotional impact on partners. Md Noh emphasized that being a gentleman who practices positive masculinity involves more than just appearing strong; it includes complementing one's partner by sharing household responsibilities.
LPPKN promotes the concept of shared responsibilities between spouses, acknowledging the dual career nature of modern marriages. The board also functions as a reconciliation body for couples facing marital issues, offering counselling services to those considering separation. Md Noh noted that poor communication, linked closely to the precontemplation stage, is a common issue in cases handled by LPPKN.
The situation can improve when couples are encouraged to express their feelings during counselling sessions. Md Noh mentioned that techniques such as mirroring often reveal men's embarrassment or ego barriers in expressing feelings to their wives. LPPKN uses psychometric inventories to aid men in understanding their partners better.
Md Noh also pointed out that Malay men, in particular, tend to internalize issues and find it challenging to share their emotions with partners during marital difficulties. In counselling, many men become emotional but resist crying due to embarrassment. He stressed that allowing emotions to be released can help in addressing long-standing emotional suppression.